So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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