Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
