Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
