So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
