I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She bit a glass in half.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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