you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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