I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
