Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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