I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
