woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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