Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
