girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
