He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize