I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
