good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
