I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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