you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
