There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i permit you to call me
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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