I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Dear god my vagina.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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