u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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