I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
