I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
