If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
