i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
