Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
