Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I have tasted many bathrooms
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
