I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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