I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
