wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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