WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
