there's paper in my vomit.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
