Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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