i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
