The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
