I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
