Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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