the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
