:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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