four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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