the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You don't make any sense
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