I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
