I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize