margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
