please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
