stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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