never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
