i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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