i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
