I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
