He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I forgot wine drunk hurts
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
