You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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