idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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