Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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