Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
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