Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
