We're like a lot better than the average bears
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize