I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize