is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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