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• (206): View more from Washington

  The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...

  (425): View more from Washington

  Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  I want a burrito.

  (1-541): View more from Oregon

  Truly, you are the voice of a generation.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on

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• (212): View more from New York

  Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in

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• (813): View more from Florida

  Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.

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• (138): View more from

  You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I learned so much in Pittsburgh

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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.

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• (308): View more from Nebraska

  I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?

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• (623): View more from Arizona

  and then she asked if she could shave my junk

  (443): View more from Maryland

  and howd that go?

  (623): View more from Arizona

  can you pick me up from the hospital?

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