Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
