Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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