If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize