my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
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