Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I have post one night stand depression
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
