Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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