I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
