Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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