sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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