I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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