i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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