You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
